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38 Hilarious Boat Jokes To Make You Laugh

Here are some hilarious boat jokes to make you laugh!

Table of Contents

One-Liners and Boat Puns

What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.
Which type of vegetable is banned on ships? Leeks!
A dentist opened an office on a boat. What was the boat’s name? The Tooth Ferry
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
I started a successful boat building business in the attic of my house. Sails are going through the roof!
What causes some boats to become party boats? Pier pressure.
What do you call two boaters who fall in love? Row-mance.
Why didn’t the sailors play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck.
How do you make luxury yacht charters look younger? Boat-Tox.
What do you call the fastest sailboat in the world? Usain Boat.
If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock. It’s pier-reviewed.
One ship carrying blue paint collided with another ship carrying red paint. The crew is missing and believed to be marooned.
What did Gotye say after he sold his boat? Now you’re just a boat that I used to row.
How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.
What’s the world’s most efficient bilge pump? A scared man with a bucket.
A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?” “Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually it’s only the once.”
Have you heard about the Bluetooth iceberg? Any ship that goes near it will sync.
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? When there’s a sail on it.
How do you make a boat feel better? Give it some vitamin sea.
What do you call a boat full of buddies? A friend-ship.
Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.
When the bottom of a cargo ship got a hole, it had one hull of a problem.
Why did the sailing instructor jump into the water? She wanted to test the water!
What detergent do sailors use? Tide.
Where do zombies like to go sailing? The Dead Sea.
What does the term BOAT stand for? Bring out another thousand.
What do you call a long boat trip with actors? Tom Cruise
What do you call a boat full of students? A Scholar-ship
What do you call a dark red ship? A blood vessel
Why don’t cruise ships ever get lost? Because they always follow a “sea-nic” route!

Longer Boating Jokes

The fisherman.

On a Friday afternoon a man calls home from the office and says to his wife, “Honey, the boss just asked me to go fishing for the weekend at a big lake up in Canada. This might help me get that promotion I’ve been wanting. So would you please pack enough clothes for me for a week and set out my rod and my tackle box? We’re leaving right from the office, but I’ll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh! And, would you please pack my blue silk pajamas?”

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife she does exactly as her husband asks. Late Sunday night “hubby” comes home… and he’s really tired.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he and his boss caught a lot of fish.

“Oh, yes”, he answers. “Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But, um, why didn’t you pack my silk pajamas as I asked you to do?”

The wife replies, “Oh, but I did, sweetheart… they were in your tackle box!”

The Collision

Late one foggy night two boaters collide head-on while trying to navigate a narrow inlet channel. Both their boats were damaged, disabled and slowly sinking.

As they each watched their boats slowly slip away beneath them, the first boater said: ” You know, this is a sign that we should never take life for granted and that we should live it to the fullest”.

“You are right,” said the other boater as he opened a cooler and pulled out a bottle of bourbon whiskey. Let’s drink to living well for the rest of our lives.

The first boater took the bottle and, after a big swig, handed it back to the other boater who in turn quickly threw it into the river.

More than a little surprised the first boater exclaimed: ” You didn’t take a drink!?”

“Naw”, said the other boater, “I think I’ll just wait for the Coast Guard to show up.”

The Skipper

A group of Skippers is walking through town looking for crew, when they see a five-story building with a sign that read, “Crew Association: Ship’s Crew Available” Since they are without their crews, they decide to go in. The Security Guard, a very salty type, explains to them how it works. “We have five floors. Go up floor by floor and once you find what you are looking for you can go there and make a selection. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you who’s inside.”

Everything seems wonderful, so they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, “All the crew on this floor are beginners.” The skippers laugh, and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, “All the crew here are experienced, smart but weak.”

Still, this isn’t good enough, so the Skippers continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, “All the crew here are experienced, smart and strong.” They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they kept going. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect, “All the crew here are experienced, smart, strong and Former Americas Cup Champions.” The Skippers get excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left.

Wondering what they are missing, they head up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads, “There are no crew here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a Skipper!”

The Preacher

A preacher fell into the ocean and he couldn’t swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?” The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.”

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, “Hey, do you need help?” The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.”

Eventually, the preacher drowned & went to heaven.

The preacher asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

A sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch.

The dockhand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.”

“Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!”

“Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dockhand.

“I don’t HAVE one!” shouted the sailor.

The dockhand, not wanting to turn away a customer, said: “Well, why don’t you just find something that approximates a tie. That should be OK.”

After some time, the sailor comes out with a pair of jumper cables. “This is all I could find to put around my neck,” he said.

Sighing, the dockhand said: “OK, I’ll let you in with those, but just don’t start anything.”

The Bass Boat

A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”

He says, “I won it and I’m a-gonna keep it.”

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat”, pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand.

He yells out to him, “What are you doin’?”

His brother replies, “I’m fishin’. What does it look like I’m a doin’?”

His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin’ everybody think we’re stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there whoop up on you!”

The Old Sea Captain

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down.

The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color…. green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

After a while, the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

“What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!”

The American Fisherman

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.

The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied that it took only a little while.

The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.

The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senior.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery.

You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York City where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senior, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 to 20 years.”

“But what then, senior?”

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”

“Millions, senior? Then what?

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your grandkids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

Related Article: 13 Clever Ways to Get a Good Deal on (New) Boats

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Funny Boat Jokes: 63 Hilarious Jokes, Puns and One Liners

Who doesn’t love a good laugh? Whether you’re hoping to put a few smiles on the kids’ faces or if you were thinking to liven up that next boat party, it pays to come equipped with a few funny boat jokes.

But if your joke tank is running dry and your comic juices just aren’t flowing, then you can borrow a few of these tried and tested jokes to bring some smiles and sunshine to that next boating trip.

No-Fail Funny Boat Jokes

Lounging on a boat can get pretty quiet especially when lunch is finished and the sleepiness starts to settle in. But if you’re not looking for downtime and you want to keep things lively and loud, you could always toss a boat joke or two to spark some laughter.

Whether it’s for the kids or for the kids-at-heart, these no-fail jokes about boats should earn you a few laughs at your next boating get together.

1 Why did the vegetable cargo ship sink? It had leeks.
2 Did you hear about the successful boat business? I heard their sails were through the roof!
3 Why did the boat offend every other boat at the dock? It was because of his pent up anchor.
4 Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop. It was quite an oar deal.
5 Why was the sea upset at the shore? Because it never waves back.
6 What kind of boat will exchange money for your baby teeth? The Tooth Ferry.
7 Did you hear about the boat that turned into a party barge? They say he gave into pier pressure.
8 Where do sick boats go to get better? The dock, of course.
9 What is considered the world’s best and fastest bilge pump? A frightened man with a bucket.
10 Make sure you watch out for those new Bluetooth icebergs. I hear any ship that gets too close to one with sync.
11 How can you tell if you’re buying a boat at a good price? When there’s a sail.
12 What should you do to keep your boat in tip top shape? Give it a regular dose of vitamin sea, of course.
13 What does a pirate do when there’s too much junk and clutter on his boat? He has a yaaarrrd sale.
14 What’s the cheapest method of travel? By sail boat, of course.
15 Did you hear about the zombies that could swim? They say they came from the Dead Sea.
16 What is a sailor’s favorite detergent for washing clothes? Tide.
17 Did you hear about the sailor who failed his boating exam? Word is he got C-sick.
18 What do you call a broken boat in the middle of a storm? A hardship.
19 Did you know that Captain Hook only paid half when he got his hook? That’s because he bought it from the second hand store.
20 What do you call a boat that’s fully automated? A row-bot.
21 Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll never be around for the weekends anymore.
22 Why couldn’t the sailor distribute the cards for the card game? Because all hands were on the deck.
23 What do you use to tighten up loose, sagging parts of a boat? Boat-tox.
24 Did you hear about that amazing new nautical theme restaurant? I hear it’s pier-reviewed.
25 What do you call the boat that Jesus was on when he calmed the storm? A worship.

Funny Boat Jokes to Keep the Party Going

If you thought those were funny, then you might find these next jokes on a different level. Keep a few at the ready to lighten the mood and break out some laughter while you enjoy the sun and fun with your family and friends.

26 Did you hear about the fastest boat to have ever sailed? It was called the Usain Boat.
27 What did the sailor say when his crew was finally ready to set sail? It’s a-boat time!
28 What did the aspiring captain say to his boss? I’ll get my own boat schooner or later.
29 What did the one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved at each other.
30 What did the captain plead with Medusa when he accidentally looked her in the eye? Turn me into stone all you want but please, don’t rock the boat!
31 Why did pirates always fail their alphabet tests? Because they never leave C.
32 Why couldn’t the minor get in to watch the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrrr!
33 Why did no one like to sit with the lady at the back of the boat? She was very stern.
34 What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock? “I haven’t got a crew.”
35 What did Bugs Bunny say when he arrived at the marina? “What’s up, dock!”
36 Why does everyone love boat stories? They always have a ferry tale ending.
37 What did the choking life vest say to the rescue ring after he performed the Heimlich? “You’re a real life saver!”
38 What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board? “Water you doing here!?”
39 Did you hear about the premier cruise for zombies? I heard their destination was the Dead Sea.
40 Why did the speed boat take double the time to get back as the rest of the boats? It decided to take the sea-nic route.
41 Why didn’t the boat’s band come back with the rest of the crew? They were Maroon 5.
42 Why didn’t they let the crew play the R18 film on the cruise? Because of censor-ship.
43 What did they say was the best cure for scurvy? Vitamin Sea!
44 Some of the cast of Friends were shipwrecked, but made it out alive. They say it was because Lisa Kudrow and David was a well-trained Schwimmer.
45 What did the captain say to the boat that was following his boat too closely? “Hey, stop sailgating me!”

The Best Boat Jokes

Still looking for a few more jokes to bring to your next trip? These funny boat jokes should keep you well-equipped for hours of endless laughter and fun while you soak up the salty situation.

46 If you ever need a custom boat built, let me know. I Noah guy who can help.
47 What did the boat say to the other boat after he beat him to the punchline a third time? “You’re such a keel joy.”
48 What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited? “You can’t just barge in like that!”
49 How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge? S-cargo.
50 What did the ocean say to the sea after it added extra salt to its water? “Whatever floats your boat.”
51 Why didn’t they let the passenger purchase the extra rope on deck? Because it was knot for sail.
52 What’s the best way to enjoy a party on the waves? You sail-ebrate of course!
53 Why did the captain think twice about adding a faucet to his boat? He was afraid it would sink.
54 Did you hear about the cruise guest who tried talking to a Spanish cruise guest? He got lost at ‘si.’
55 What’s the most popular movie in all of underwater history? The Codfather.
56 What do you call housekeepers in Atlantis? Mermaids.
57 Did you hear about the pirate who got his first pair of piercings? They said it cost him a buck an ear.
58 What do you call the guy who attends to prospective customers at a boat dealership? A sails manager.
59 There are four cigarettes and three men on a boat, but they don’t have any way to light up their cigs. So what do they do? They toss one out to the water, and their boat instantly becomes a cigarette lighter.
60 What did one row boat say to the other after their candlelit dinner? “You are incredibly row-mantic!”
61 What did the husband say to his wife after she nagged him for spending the day fishing. “C’mon honey, I just wanted to seas the day!”
62 A person standing on a dock was startled by a man who was swimming through the water with his arms full of fishing gear. Frantic, he threw the gear on the dock shouting “Here, hold this!” He pointed back to the water to show his boat was almost completely sunk. As he threw his stuff to the man’s feet, he turned to swim back. “Where are you going?!” the man on the dock asked. “I’m going back for my wife!” he shouted.
63 “It’s pretty windy today, I think I’ll postpone my trip and head back home,” said no boater ever.

Just for Laughs

It’s always nice to have a few jokes at the ready to liven up your next boating trip. Make sure to keep a copy of these funny boat jokes with you for your next excursion, or chalk them up to memory so you can break the ice and keep the party going as you enjoy the wind, waves, and quality time with your family and friends.

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